Unhappy marriage? Thinking of leaving your spouse? Trying to figure out how to plan for a divorce on good terms?
If you are leaving your spouse you are probably wondering how to tell your spouse you want a divorce and what are some of the things to do before a divorce. There is no easy solution to the age-old dilemma of how to tell your spouse you want a divorce. How to tell your spouse you want a divorce requires compassion, even if you are in an unhappy marriage. You can learn how to leave marriage decently by giving your spouse the dignity of a compassionate discussion about your reasons for wanting to plan for a divorce. People often say, ”I need a divorce because we have grown apart”, or; “I need a divorce because I have become unhappy in our marriage”.
The worst thing you can say is, “I need a divorce because I never loved you”. Even in an unhappy marriage, I actually do not believe that someone can be married to another person without having felt some love. If you plan for a divorce and say this, it will increase the acrimony and cost of your divorce. This is because it will increase your spouse’s pain and slow down your spouse’s acceptance of the divorce. Your spouse may not get past your famous words, “I need a divorce”, for quite some time.
If you are the one interested in leaving your spouse and want to think of how to plan for a divorce without creating more hurt, you will need to recognize a few things:
• There is no way of leaving your spouse feeling good about your decision, at least not initially. Respect that your spouse will need more time than you to plan for a divorce.
• Ahead of time, plan for a divorce out of courts (by retaining collaborative lawyers or a mediator). Leaving your spouse and rushing to start a court action rather than attempting to negotiate or mediate first is sure to turn your unhappy marriage into an unhappy divorce.
Here is how to plan for a divorce and some things to do before a divorce:
• Think of a considerate way of how to tell your spouse you want a divorce.
• Consult with a collaborative law lawyer (non-collaborative lawyers may not present the collaborative law option to you).
• Plan to achieve in your separation in a way that leaves your spouse and your children empowered rather than disempowered (this is actually one of the best things to do before a divorce).
With your lawyer, you will be able to further understand how to plan for a divorce and things to do before a divorce. Some of the best things to do before a divorce when you work with your lawyer usually involve organizing your financial papers and making sure your income tax returns are up to date.
You can see that how to leave marriage requires consideration of what you want, but also of ways to minimize the pain that this may cause on your spouse and your children. The decision of how to leave marriage is a serious one and carries tremendous responsibilities for the entire family. We encourage you to raise above all the hurt and disappointments you may feel during the period when you are considering how to leave marriage. Having compassion when you announce this to your partner will only help you in the long run.