Having an Affair – The Ashley Madison Leak

The Ashley Madison leak is sending ripples of fear through millions of people right now. Whether you used the site or have a suspicion that your spouse has, here are some tips on how to start an open and honest conversation with them:

Don’t jump to conclusions.
The email addresses used on Ashley Madison have not been verified, so accusing your spouse of an affair is not a good way to start the conversation. If you have suspicions your spouse is having an affair, voice those concerns but be open to their perspective.

Think about what you want the outcome of your conversation to be.
Is discovering your spouse used the site the symptom of a bigger problem in the marriage that you want to address? If so, engaging a professional to discuss the relationship overall is recommended. Though this would be a shocking event, before you declare that this is a deal breaker, we recommend not to rush to conclusions but rather to take the time to discuss with each other what went wrong and take the time to reflect before making life altering decisions.

If you are in a commited relationship and have used the site yourself, is your relationship over?
Ask yourself if you are being honest with your spouse and yourself. Opening a dialogue with your spouse is important. Approach it in a calm and truthful way. Even if you don’t know what’s making you unfufilled in the marriage, share those feelings and develop a plan together to figure it out.

Don’t keep all of your questions to yourself.
Consult with a family law lawyer who practices Collaborative Law (not a litigation lawyer) to get straight answers about what a legal separation looks like before you decide to go that route. Not getting your questions answered may make you crazy and not think straight. Having a consultation with a Collaborative family law lawyer does not commit you towards a separation; it is only a healthy step towards getting clarity.

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Posted in Peer Advice

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