Be upfront with ex-spouse about dating after divorce

Maturity, respect, and rising above emotions are all key elements to a smooth transition into dating after divorce, Toronto family lawyer Nathalie Boutet said on a recent edition of What She Said! Watch Video

Boutet joined hosts Kate Wheeler and Sharon Caddy on the SiriusXM radio program to discuss the murky waters of finding romance after separation.

“Everyone wants to go on with their lives, everyone wants to be loved, cherished and embraced and that’s really important after you’ve separated. You’ve probably gone through a long period of not feeling that,” Boutet said on the program.

But it’s important to remember, said Boutet, that these are adult needs, and if children are involved, they may not understand their parents’ desire to start dating, which involves taking time away from being with your children.

Before stepping into the dating pool, she said, parents should start by considering the age of their children and how often they’re with you and the impact of being absent more.

“Obviously if you are the parent who has the children the majority of the time you’re going to have to find strategies to go on with your life and start dating,” she said.

Boutet, who is a pioneer in the field of Neuro Family Law – the integration of the science of the brain and the psychology of negotiation in law – said consulting professionals, such as psychologists, may be beneficial to parents who want to introduce a new person into the family unit.

It may be difficult, she advised, but telling your ex-spouse about the new relationship before telling the children may be a wise move.

“That will go a long way,” she said on the program. “It’s an evolved, mature way of handling the situation.”

It’s also smart to take your time and not rush into a new relationship, said Boutet, who noted even in the most difficult cases, ex-spouses should be able to find a way to get along.

“There’s always space for maturity and to rise above the emotions,” she said.

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